Legal

Privacy Policy

Last updated 27 July 2026

This site collects nothing about you. There are no accounts, no cookies, no analytics, no tracking pixels, and no third-party embeds. Nothing you type into this site is ever transmitted anywhere.

What we collect

Nothing. This is a static website — a set of HTML files, a stylesheet, two small scripts, and some images. It has no database, no backend, and no account system, because it is a joke about denim furniture and does not need one.

The forms

There are two things on this site that look like forms, and neither one sends anything anywhere.

The newsletter signup checks that what you typed resembles an email address and then displays a confirmation message. The value never leaves your browser and is discarded the moment you reload the page. There is no mailing list.
The “Add to bag” button on a product page reads which wash you selected and writes a line of text beneath it. There is no bag, no order, no basket stored anywhere, and no payment of any kind.

You are welcome to enter a fake email address. It will be treated exactly the same as a real one, which is to say it will be ignored.

Cookies and storage

None. The site sets no cookies, writes nothing to local storage or session storage, and does not fingerprint your browser. If your browser shows a cookie from this domain, it did not come from us.

Analytics and third parties

There is no analytics of any kind — no Google Analytics, no Plausible, no Cloudflare Web Analytics, nothing. There are no social widgets, no embedded video, no external fonts, and no scripts loaded from anyone else. Every file the site requests comes from this domain.

Hosting

The site is hosted on Cloudflare Pages. Like any web host, Cloudflare processes standard request data — IP address, user agent, and the URL requested — in order to serve the page and protect against abuse. That happens at the infrastructure level, we do not have access to it, and it is governed by Cloudflare’s own privacy policy rather than this one.

Children

The site collects no information from anyone, of any age, which resolves this section neatly.

Changes

If this ever stops being true — if a real newsletter or a real shop is ever added — this page will be updated before that goes live, not after.

Contact

Questions about this policy, or about the site generally, can go through the repository it is built from. See also the Terms of Service, which explains that none of this is real.